To Live Again
by demongoddess
Summary: 'She remembered a time when she used to laugh at the cards life dealt her. They didn't matter; she could beat any player even with her cursed hand. But lately she found she could no longer laugh.' H/R
1. Prologue

A little ache rings in my chest,  
Every time I open my eyes  
To see the world around me.  
And for every extra breath I take,  
It hurts a little more.  
  
A little voice nags in my mind,  
Tugging at loose ends.  
I try to find the strength within,  
But with each minute that yields more pain,  
It nags a bit some more.  
  
A coat of painted trust thrust around my soul   
Chips away discreetly.  
And for every time I speak with Death,  
Each moment delved in pity,  
The paints chip away some more.  
  
An outstretched hand flickers on the shores,  
Offering light to my dark island.  
But it's so far and faint,   
And for each time I reach for it,  
It fades away some more.  
  
A figure stares through cool, cracked glass;  
She watches through a slide of crystal.  
And for every time I wonder who's more real,  
She cracks a little more. 


	2. Snow White Past

Disclaimer: Me own Tenchi Muyo? You've got to be kidding...  
  
A/N: This will be the sequel/companion fic to Red Wine. It can stand on its own, though. After many, many months, I have finally decided that I could no longer stand my old version, thus I took down my old version and wa-LAH!  
  
To Live Again  
  
Chapter 1: Snow White Past  
  
White, crisp, snow crunched loudly as she plodded through the fields. The once green grasses and healthy brown earth were now covered under a vast, white carpet. Growling her annoyance at the specks of white that melted into her hair and clothes, she headed back to the artificial hot spring. She needed to lose herself, and it was the best place to waste time.  
  
She hated this. Here she was, wasting away on a backwater ball of dirt. She didn't need this! She was the most infamously known demon on that side of the universe! Well, actually, on all sides of the universe.  
  
Ryoko stepped into the hot spring, noting the sharp, almost painful contrast of the icy air outside and the burning warmth of the water. It didn't bother her much though; she had been through the numbing cold of space one second, and seared by the unbearable blaze of laser beams the next. Immense temperature changes were no biggie: being a seasoned space pirate sure came in handy.  
  
So why was she here, a resident on this stupid, sorry excuse for a planet? Oh, right.  
  
Tenchi Masaki.  
  
She sounded each syllable out delicately in her mind. How she loved that name: she had cried it in despair, breathed it with tingling pleasure, screamed it in pain, and whispered it in complete bliss. But it didn't matter any way she said it. Despite the painstaking years that she had waited for him to choose her (it just simply could not end any other way, could it?), their relationship had remained constant - pathetically nonexistent. Not in the way she wanted it, in any case.  
  
Tenchi was just too caring and beautifully considerate of the other women's feelings. Obviously, he didn't want to hurt them by breaking the news to them about his unrequited love for her. Right? It had to be so.  
  
But sometimes the space pirate wasn't so sure.  
  
She might not be as creative with her intellect as Washu was, but she wasn't stupid. She knew how to read between the lines. Sometimes she wished she couldn't.  
  
So she would pretend she didn't see the panic scamper across Tenchi's face whenever she came to greet him. Allude herself into thinking that he tried to avoid her sometimes out of shyness. Convince herself she only imagined the flinches as she held him close. Make-believe that the clear annoyance that shown in his eyes as she watched him sleep wasn't really there.  
  
But what was the use anyway? If one day she didn't come running to him and try to seduce him, she would suddenly be labeled terribly sick. If she did, she would be shunned. The Juraians were such a contradictory species anyway.  
  
Just like this morning, when she thought about being somewhat considerate and helping out with chores. All she did was help Sasami vacuum the house. Then Miss Prissy-pants came out and yelled at her to keep the noise level down. Then afterwards, she was scolded for neglecting her share of chores.  
  
Was there anything more annoying than a hypocritical Juraian?  
  
Well, at least no one was nagging at her at the moment; she had the whole evening in the hot spring to herself. Sipping the little bit of sake left, Ryoko sighed and looked up through the clear roof of the spring.  
  
When was the last time she was truly happy? A time where she could do as she alone pleased, not bound by the obligations of love? The demoness could barely remember. In fact, she couldn't.  
  
Before Tenchi, there had only been Kagato. Ryoko suppressed a shudder.  
  
And after Tenchi, well, there had been that girl from Tokyo. When was the last time she could spread her wings freely?  
  
Instantly, a picture of herself and a blonde-haired blue-eyed space pirate with their newly acquired loot invaded her mind's eye.  
  
Shaking her head violently almost at the same moment, she reminded herself that her "partner" had been a traitorous jerk. She wouldn't feel sympathy for him; he deserved what he got - no one double-crossed Ryoko the space pirate. She snarled bitterly.  
  
It had been nice, just being a space pirate again. The excitement, the thrill of fighting, the exhilaration, the adrenaline rush, just everything. Hotsuma had given her back what Tenchi couldn't - he had given her back her life. And in return, she had been willing to offer him her loyalty, her friendship. If only he had waited for her, if just a little longer, she would have offered so much more.  
  
Hotsuma had accepted her for who she was, as kind-hearted as her Tenchi. Except, this 'Tenchi' did not scold her for being a bad girl. Did not avoid her because she was a demon. Did not shrink away nor fear her. But, like Tenchi, he had left her with the same light feelings, making her forget about all the bad times. But he had turned out to be just another callous bastard. That's the way they all were.  
  
But had been right about her; destructive chaos was what she lived for, thrived on. She did belong among there with the stars, creating wars, spilling blood, wreaking havoc and just being downright bad.  
  
In the same second, Ryoko denied it furiously. No, she wasn't a blood- lusting monster. It wasn't her. It wasn't who Tenchi wanted her to be, and that's all that mattered.  
  
Even if Tenchi wanted her to be a prissy princess, give up her free-roaming spirit, or lock herself back into that freezing cave, she would do it if it meant his love in return. Flashes of Tenchi kissing that fake swept across her memory. Ryoko plunged her body underneath the scorching water until even her crown of cyan spikes no longer showed. She would be that shadow named Sakuya and lower herself to emulating her personalities and temperaments if it ensured his affections for her. The proud demoness would push aside her pride for him if he wished it so. Only him.  
  
Sudden rage blinded her thoughts and Ryoko felt the sudden urge to take her anger out on something. Maybe a someone. She felt her eyes glow a demonic red at the violent thought as her resentment sizzled through the water, cutting the spring's water in half and cracking the circular roof of the spring with a crackle.  
  
A nasty voice within her whispered a snake-like /Yes-s-s/ in her mind. /Yes-s-s. . .crave that blood. That's-s-s it, think of all those people dying at your hands-s-s. . .Let it guide you. . ./ it slinked before it faded from her mind with one final hissing caress.  
  
A shard from the roof fell away, slashing at Ryoko's open palm. Her eyes, still red, though dimmer than before, glinted at the wetness that dripped from her hand.  
  
Plop.  
  
Plop.  
  
Ryoko swore she could feel a second Ryoko smile darkly in her head as the blood trickled down her forearm and swirl gently with the water.  
  
Plop.  
  
She snapped the palm closed and fisted it tightly. Ryoko welcomed the brief pain her nerves screamed, but it was gone as fast as it had come. When she turned her palm up and opened it, only dried blood spoke of a wound that no longer existed.  
  
She was a fast healer. She had always been.  
  
Ryoko needed to get away. Away from thoughts of Hotsuma. Away from Tenchi. Away from everyone. She needed time alone. All these conflicting emotions were really getting to her and it was creating havoc in her head.  
  
Stepping out of the hot spring and phasing into cool black garments, she flew outside into the night sky, begging the darkness to mold into her form and accept her.  
  
Why couldn't things just be simple for her? Was this some kind of punishment for all the evil things she had done in her past? But then again her past life hadn't really been her own to choose. Come to think of it, none of her life had really been her own to choose.  
  
Ryoko punched the large boulder next to her, all her rage and agony in it. It shattered on contact, but it wasn't enough. The stone couldn't feel, and she wanted to hear pain. Frustrated, Ryoko flung a crescent of wild energy, leaving a large row of scorched remains and cracked earth where once was a clump of hefty trees. The row of nothingness went on past the horizon. So what if her beam when way too far? It probably hurt some innocent, unsuspecting families in its way.  
  
Well, the more the better. Ryoko knew she wasn't thinking rationally, and that she would never hear the end of it when Tenchi found out.  
  
Flying to her favorite tree in the forest, Ryoko sat on one of the branches. If anything, she really needed a cooling down period. Resting her back against the large trunk, she leaned back and stared at the tiny specks of light. The red in her eyes faded away and only a melancholy look remained.  
  
"Stars...billions and billions of little stars...all like tiny diamonds..." Ryoko murmured.  
  
**Flashback**  
  
The two space pirates sat together facing the window of Gaiyan, staring out into the endless sea of stars.  
  
Space. It was so empty. So. . .beautiful.  
  
Hotsuma held Ryoko against his chest protectively, his chin settling comfortably on top of Ryoko's mass of shimmering cyan hair.  
  
"Billions of little stars...all like tiny diamonds. And I'm gonna steal them all!" she had proudly declared after their consecutive successful hoist.  
  
Hotsuma's soothing chuckle filled her ears.  
  
**End Flashback**  
  
When Ryoko felt a softness caress her cheek forlornly, she looked up at the clouds expectantly. But it wasn't raining. Blinking away the foreign moisture, Ryoko cursed at herself. At the world, at fate. She remembered the times she used to laugh at the cards life dealt her. They didn't matter; she could beat any player even with her cursed hand.  
  
But lately she found she could no longer laugh. Not at the game she was so confident in winning, nor at the pathetic life she had been handed. Her hard eyes softened and her face looked gentler, losing her sharp alertness.  
  
"I've grown soft."  
  
And suddenly, Ryoko saw the world in colorless shades of gray. 


End file.
